Tears & Pizza

Eight sleeps. That’s all I have with my wife. It’s not as bad as you might think, maybe. Heather is going in to hospital for a Bone Marrow Transplant on November 12th. She’s then in hospital for 4-8 weeks depending on how she responds to treatment. Since August, Heather has been receiving chemo that has decreased her immune system to very low levels. We now have to be very cautious here at home. Looking not only for our interests but for Heather.

So today, I went with our 3yo boy Nathan and our friend Arianne to stand in line for the H1N1 vaccine. To be honest I don’t normally get the seasonal flu shot. So why this year? Because I want to see my wife while she is in hospital-isolation and to protect her. So we stood in line, played with various items, ate way too many Starbursts, and then they finally called our names. So I asked Nathan to come with me and he did. First good sign as we walked towards the nurse. You see, I told Nathan that we were lining up for medicine. I didn’ tell him it was a shot untill we started to sit down beside the nurse and I rolled up my sleeve. Now to be honest I worded it that way to avoid any 3yo complications that could have made our 90minute wait seem like an eternity. So Nathan watched the needle go into my arm and he even asked if it hurt? I said, a little. Trying to make up for my deception for the past 90minutes. I then told him it was his turn to get the medicine. Que the tears. Now I know my son really well Andi know when he’s faking and I know when he’s sincere when he cries. This time I honestly could not tell. So I rolled his sleeve up, held him close, turned his head and did what any parent would do in that situation, I told him we would pick up pizza for supper. The tears immediately stopped. He pulled his head back and looked me straight in the eyes to make sure he could once again trust me, got a really excited look on his face and turned to the nurse who had just stuck him with the needle and said, “we’re gonna have pizza for supper!”

We stopped on the way home and picked up our favourite local pizza from Gino’s, ordered a Hawian with ham and bacon. Nathan loved every minute of it.

I asked Nathan as we were saying our goodnights, what his favourite thing was from today? He said, “Picking up pizza for mommy!”

The Importance of Family Dinners

Breakfast is usually a flurry of activity in my home. Everyone is usually in the same room together for about 5.2 seconds as we get ready for our day and then rush out the door. Lunch is hardly together as the kids are in school, I usually have a working lunch etc… Then we all kind of show up back at home and eventually we all end up together for about 25-35 minutes around supper.

Supper is an amazing time for us to reconnect, restore balance, eat, re-correct and recalibrate everyone’s day. I find supper to be more about restoring a sense of belonging and reminding my family that no matter what kind of day they have had that I love them and that I am proud of them. Especially during this current journey of health crisis that we are facing, this meal has become more important than ever.

Columbia University Center for Addiction and Substance Abuse recently did a research article that show the importance of family dinners

How important is family dinner to you and your family?

Joy Amidst Controlled Chaos

I’m learning. Learning things I didn’t think I would need to know, experience or even think about these past number of months. The biggest things that I have learned is the Joy of Controlled Chaos.

Joy has been found in the most unsuspecting place I would have ever expected it to inhabit my life. I have discovered an almost ancient joy that I once experienced years ago. It was like having a smell, a sound, a word, a song or even a taste that takes you back to that place you had forgotten up until that very moment. When I was doing my post-secondary and post-graduate work I was able to go to Brazil on three occasions with other friends. Each experience was so impacting upon me that even to this day when I smell diesel exhaust my mind takes me back to those memories and experiences in Brazil.

That’s what this Joy experience has been for me. Not longing for things of days gone by but of the Joy of those times and how I enjoyed what I was doing. It’s not exciting or anything profound. I have been simply reminded about my Joy of cooking. Now the Smyth’s, past and present, have never been ones to stand over a stove, a BBQ or even a campfire with something we have thrown together. There is a time and place for that, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

When I was growing up my mother allowed me to experiment in the kitchen all the time. Food combinations, sauces, messes, mistakes, and to be honest there were more failures then successes. I loved meal prep and seeing it through to the finish for family and friends. I even tried my hand at cooking professionally when I worked for a restaurant in my hometown called Belamy’s. I started as a salad boy, then a deep fryer, then flat-top grill and I had a blast with friends I worked with and then I retired. Went to university was more like it, I had better thing to do. Since then, it’s become a lost art in my life. Until this year.

My Joy has been in putting meal plan together for a week or more. Meals that I knew we would enjoy just as a family, with friends and even surprise guests. Then thinking and praying for every person that would be sitting around our table, our conversation, their families and all that surrounds them  I then take that meal plan and put it into a grocery list and the process deepens. I have come to love the process of grocery shopping. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know why. All I know is that I have fun thinking about each ingredient that I’m picking up and what meal it will be used for, who is going to be sitting around our table enjoying not only a lovely meal but also journeying with us on this crazy health road that we currently find ourselves traveling. Once I get all my groceries in their eco-friendly bags and getting them safely home and put away, I love putting the meal together from scratch. Yes, of course I have help from cooking books and doing a little adding of my own to the recipe to fit our peanut and nut free home (which really bums me out as I love both peanut butter and peanuts). I will share with you at a later date the various books that I have found particularly helpful in meal planning and preparation.

My Joy has become once again, cooking amidst the Controlled Chaos of our family life. Controlled in the fact that I can put a meal plan together and have the groceries in the house and preparing to be put together in a masterful display of culinary vision that Chef Ramsey himself would stand in sheer and utter awe, then chaos hits. Heather has a high temperature and needs to go to the ER. Nathan has fallen and is balling his eyes out and I must leave my culinary vision to wipe tears and kiss boo-boo’s or the worl will end if I don’t watch him jump off of his play structure into his pretend pond and then rescue him because the water is too deep or the mud is too thick.

My Joy Amidst Controlled Chaos has created such a healthy tension in my life that I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I realize that their are people worse off then us. There are other people going through cancer treatments just as Heather is. You are probably thinking that you should check on that Raspberry Truffle because you are not sure if you set the timer. ;o)

Let me encourage you to not miss those small reminders of joyous experiences that you had in the past. Maybe a lost joy that you had buried or forgotten. It’s there, it’s in you! All you need to do is remember!

Bon Apetite!

Two Roads Diverge in a Wood, and I.

Below is a post from my wife’s blog but since it involves us both I placed it here as well.

The verdict is in.

After much conversation and prayer, Jeff and I have made a decision regarding my treatment options. Yesterday I phoned Dr. Crump’s office in order to begin the process of a bone marrow transplant (bmt) under the team at Princess Margaret Hospital.

Without going into all the details tonight about how we made that decision, please know that Jeff and I are at peace with this decision. I have shared these verses before, but they are worth repeating here.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The peace of God that is described here, the peace that transcends all understanding, is what we are experiencing right now in light of this difficult decision. Jeff and I both know that regardless of the outcome of this decision, that going through a bone marrow transplant is the right option for me/us right now. In fact, now that I have contacted Dr. Crump’s office to begin the process, I have found myself eager to get started.

I am so thankful tonight for a community of family and friend who care so deeply for us. We are encouraged by your words, notes and kindness to us.

With joy,

Heather

***You know who you are and you know what you did. Thank you.***

ht to Heather Smyth

Newer is Better, Right!?!

We had been doing the same treatment for years and all of a sudden a new treatment process has been approved. So it must be better right!?! Not necessarily. Science is a great thing and has brought us new technologies, new treatments, new drugs and it’s constantly seeking better answers. I loved science in school. My ADD brian loved the complexities of experiments and the fact that it sharpened my questioning process. Miss Pillon was my favourite high school science teacher, we also shared the same passion for the Toronto Blue Jays. Need I say more!

But when it comes to what we are dealing with as caregivers there are a few very important and key questions to think through and ask before making any decisions.

1) Become an expert. Learn all you can about the diagnosis of your loved one.

2) Partner with a doctor. You may have to search for this type of doctor.

3) Keep copies of all lab results

4) Try to get the markers done. Markers are those results of labs that doctors look for to make a diagnosis and staging of the diagnosis.

5) Get a second opinion from a specialist in the field of the diagnosis.

6) If in the US, assess established costs up front before making any decisions.

7) Don’t let the diagnosis take over your life or your loved one’s life.